BBW BASHING

Tired of fat women endlessly searching for dates and claiming they are beautiful? You've come to the right place !

Click Here For More of Tom's Unpolitically Correct Humor

RReturn to Home Page

 

Fat Woman in lingerie Fat She-Boon eating chicken Fat nigger BBW on bed

The following are my responses to dating ads left by fat women on the internet:


 

You want cream of the crop in BBW land??

THE ONLY ‘CREAM’ IN ‘BBW LAND’ IS ICE CREAM.

I know that there are alot of posts about how men are not "into" the BBW thing,

THE ‘BBW THING’? YOU MEAN FAT COWS?

but if you are and you know how intelligent, easygoing, talented and sexual a BBW is

SO, NOT ONLY ARE YOU TRYING TO CONVINCE MEN THAT FAT COWS ARE ‘BEAUTIFUL’, NOW WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE INTELLIGENT, EASY GOING, TALENTED AND SEXUAL TOO?

HOW ABOUT WE JUST STICK TO OUR CONCEPT OF YOU AS FAT, LAZY BITCHY BLOBS WHOSE ONLY TALENT IS PILING CHOCOLATE SYRUP ON ICE CREAM?

if you have a fantasy of what it would be like to be with a tasteful and classy proportional BBW,

YOU MEAN A NIGHTMARE TO END UP IN BED WITH A FAT SOW. AND WHAT’S TASTEFUL AND CLASSY ABOUT A WOMAN WHO IS 200 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT?

PROPORTIONAL? TRUST ME HONEY, THERE’S NOTHING PROPORTIONAL ON YOU. THE ONLY THING PROPORTIONAL ABOUT FAT COWS IS THAT THEY ARE ALL FAT ALL OVER.

I have been called pretty to gorgeous, but am definately BBW.

SOMEONE CALLED YOU PRETTY AND GORGEOUS? WE’RE THEY BLIND OR WERE YOU AT THE ZOO AND THEY MISTOOK YOU FOR AN ELEPHANT?

Your pic gets mine - I guarantee that you would not be disappointed.

I’M SURE IT’S WORTH A LAUGH.

You know how to treat a lady??

SURE, SHOW UP WITH A PIZZA AND GALLON OF 7-UP.

(next)

Tall, Hourglass Lushly Built Redhead - Not Your Typical BBW – 38

‘LUSHLY-BUILT’? IS THIS YET ANOTHER EUPHANISM FOR FAT? LET’S ADD IT TO RUBENESQUE, BIG-BONED, HUSKY, CURVY, BIG, THICK, ETC.

Yeah, yeah - I know. There are a million posts here with BBW women seeking men,

YOU BET THERE ARE! DESPERATE FAT BITCHES USING THE INTERNET TO GET ATTENTION FROM MEN.

but I am here to tell you - this woman is different.

HOW SO? YOU SEE ONE WHALE, YOU’VE SEEN THEM ALL. OR LET ME GUESS: YOU’RE IN THE PROCESS OF LOSING WEIGHT. BOY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE HEARD THAT?

I am 38, 5'10 hourglass shaped full figured woman, with red hair and hazel eyes.

HOURGLASS? YOU MEAN DECADE GLASS! IT WOULD TAKE A DAMN DECADE FOR ALL THE SAND TO RUN OUT OF YOU, COW !

I am not ugly,

JUST 300 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT, THAT’S ALL.

dress and act like a lady,

‘LADIES’ ARE NOT 300 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT AND EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

but am NOT a lady in private.

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE A FAT COW SLUT. WOW…WHAT A CATCH.

I am seeking a real man, a man who is able to satisfy on every level there is.

YOU MEAN A MAN WHO HAS ALL THE FAST FOOD JOINTS AND EVERY PIZZA DELIVERY NUMBER IN L.A. MEMORIZED.

I am seeking a man who can stif my intellect as well as my libido.

A MAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO HAVE SEX WITH A FAT SOW? THAT’S EASY, JUST ROLL HER IN FLOUR AND STICK IT IN THE WET SPOT.

Intelligence and manners is a huge turn on for me.

MUST BE UNUSUAL THAT’S FOR SURE. NOT MANY CLASSY MEN WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH A FAT SOW. AND MANNERS TO YOU MEANS PUTTING EXTRA BUTTER ON YOUR MASHED POTATOES.

If you are interested in a low maintenance, no hassle woman

HUH? LOW MAINTENANCE MY ASS ! THE GUY WOULD NEED A SMALL TRUCK JUST TO DELIVER THE GROCERIES! NOT TO MENTION HOW MANY TIMES THE PLUMBER HAS TO COME OUT TO UNPLUG YOUR TOILET.

Supplies are limited.

THERE’S A HOT ONE. LIMITED? HONEY, YOU HAVE ENOUGH SUPPLIES TO FEED ETHIOPIA FOR A YEAR.

(next)

25y/o BBW looking for young virgin :) – 25

you must be at least 18!
send pics
and #s and lets make you a man :)

ARE BBW’S (BIG BLOB WHALES) DESPERATE OR WHAT?

(next)

Eat me out with a Sweet Pomegranate Sauce – 26

=)

YOU WANT HIM TO POUR SAUCE UP YOUR VAGINA AND THEN EAT YOU OUT? HOW NICE.

You must like BBW and must play with me in bed. =)

HOW CAN YOU PLAY WITH A BIG BLOB WHALE IN BED? SPRINKE FLOUR ON THE SHEET, ROLL HER TO ONE SIDE…ROLL HER TO THE OTHER….THEN ROLL BACK AGAIN. WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?


must have …..and a clean nicely shaped body.

YOU’RE A FAT BLOB BUT THE GUY MUST BE NICELY SHAPED. OK…SURE…NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT BBW’S DON’T HAVE DOUBLE STANDARDS.


oh and I must like you a lot =)

IN OTHER WORDS, HE MUST SHOW UP WITH A BUCKET OF KFC AND LARGE PIZZA.

The Pomegranate sauce expires December 2005 so hurry =)

HONEY, THE ONLY THING EXPIRING ON YOU IS THAT BALONEY SANDWICH STUCK IN YOUR ARMPIT.

(next)

BBW with curves – 49

SURE YOU HAVE ‘CURVES’. YOU HAVE TWO OF THEM, ONE ON EACH SIDE, AND TOGETHER THEY FORM ON BIG CIRCLE.

looking for a man who knows how to treat a women of subtance.

IS ‘SUBSTANCE’ A NEW EUPHANISM FOR ‘LARD’?

I am 5'7 long brown hair, brown eyes, and 40D.

OF COURSE YOU’RE 40D. IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A TURN ON? I BET A COW’S UDDER IS A 300 ZZZZ !

Looks are not as important as personality.

AS LONG AS HE BRINGS HOME HALF A PIG, A PIZZA, ICE CREAM, COOKIES, AND FIVE GALLONS OF PEPSI, YOU’RE HAPPY.

will send pic along with seeing yours. what can you lose

YOUR DIGNITY?

(next)

I'm just a cool, funny girl - BBW – 22

ALL BBW (BIG BLOB WHALES) ARE FUNNY, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY EAT.


I'm not really sure if this personal ad thing will get me what I want

A COUPLE LARGE PIZZAS AND A GALLON OF MOUNTAIN DEW?

About Me:

•BBW (Big Beautiful Woman)I'm not a hippo!

NO, YOU’RE JUST AN ELEPHANT.

But I'm not skin and bones either

HEY YOU’RE MORE THAN SKIN AND BONES. YOUR SKIN, BONES, AND 300 POUNDS OF BLUBBER.

•I'm shy when I first meet someone,

EXCEPT FOR THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN.

I love to crack jokes.

THE ONLY THING YOU LOVE TO CRACK IS SIX PACK OF PEPSI.

I am very honest and say what is on my mind.

SUCH AS, “HEY! DON’T BE SHY ! PUT ANOTHER HALF POUND OF BUTTER ON MY WAFFLES!”

About You

•Weight: I don't like really skinny guys. I like guys with a little meat on their bones, but I don't want an obese guy. •Love BBW (Big Beautiful Women)

SHE DOESN’T WANT AN OBESE GUY? HUH?


•Have a good job

IF HE WORKS AT ANY TYPE OF RESTAURANT AND CAN BRING HOME FREE FOOD, HE’S YOUR DREAM MAN.


•You must have a sense of humor!

ANY GUY WITH A FAT PORKER LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

Be honest. Be sincere. Don't play games. ……One more time, don't play games!

IN OTHER WORDS, DON’T TEASE HER. JUST WHIP OUT THE COOKIES, CHIPS, AND CHEESE ITS WHEN YOU FIRST COME OVER !

(next)

What do MEN like with SKINNY GIRLS? What about SHAPE WOMEN?

HERE’S A NEW WORD FOR FAT: ‘SHAPE’.

Hey guys,
I want to address this ad to men who like skinny girls.

IN FAT LANGUAGE, THAT MEANS WOMEN THAT ARE OF NORMAL, HEALTHY WEIGHT AND SIZE.

What do they bring you when you are having sex?

A BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY BODY.

Don’t you think that shape women are more comfortable, do you?

IF YOU CALL CLIMBING TO THE TOP OF 300 POUNDS OF LARD AND HUMPING AWAY AT THE WET SPOT ‘COMFORTABLE’, I’D JUST ASSUME GET A PET HIPPO.

IT WOULD PROBABLY EAT LESS AND BE EASIER TO CLEAN UP AFTER.

I don’t understand and I just want to have some explanations from those men.

THAT’S EASY. NORMAL MEN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A HEALTHY, NORMAL WOMAN. NOT SOME TUB OF LARD THAT IS 200 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.

Of course, I AM IN SHAPE. And I am proud of it.

SURE, YOU’RE PROUD OF IT. THAT’S WHY YOU COVER YOUR FATNESS WITH A MOO MOO EVERY TIME YOU STEP OUT OF OUR STALL.

It is a lot of work to get that body in shape and no skinny.

YES I KNOW. IT’S SO HARD OPENING THOSE NEW TAMPER-RESISTANT SEALS ON THE HALF GALLONS OF ICE CREAM.

(next)

BBW WITH CURVES – 54

I am a bbw volunptous with curves

SURE YOU HAVE ‘CURVES’. ONE ON EACH SIDE. AND TOGETHER, THEY FORM A BIG CIRCLE.


. I am funny…..

ALL FAT BLOBS ARE FUNNY, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY EAT.

I take care of myself,

SURE YOU DO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE 300 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.

(next)

BBW loves to kiss - 34 – 34

YOU MEAN HERSHEY’S CHOCOLATE KISSES?

Looking for a sweet guy with a strong, natually dominant personality to hang out with……

HONEY, YOU’RE ALREADY ‘HANGING OUT’ ALL OVER THE PLACE!

-possibly for LTR if all goes well and we are compatible.

IF HE BRINGS A PIZZA WITH HIM EVERY TIME HE COMES OVER, YOU’RE COMPATABLE.

You must:

*be sexually adventurous and a good lover, or willing to learn (are you very oral? well endowed men a big +++)

HOW ADVENTUROUS CAN ONE BE HAVING SEX WITH A FAT BLOB? JUST ROLL HER IN FLOUR AND STICK IT IN THE WET SPOT.

VERY ORAL? YOU MEAN SOMEONE ABLE TO BREATHE AFTER YOU SIT ON HIS FACE.

*love the simple things in life

PIZZA, PEPSI, DONUTS, PIES, FRENCH FRIES, CHEESE SANDWICHES, ETC..


*like going out sometimes

TO MCDONALDS OR PIZZA HUT.

(next)

Pretty Darn Fabulous LA BBW Looking . . . – 40

OH? NOW FAT BLOBS ARE ‘PRETTY DARN FABULOUS’? HOW ABOUT WE STICK WITH FAT BLOBS?

Simple request, really ;) ... A smart, witty, likes-to-get-dirty-and-cleans-up-well,

AFTER YOU ROLL AROUND IN THE BARN, WE CAN JUST HOSE YOU OFF WITH THE REST OF THE ANIMALS.


If so...if you would like to meet a very attractive, fullfigured/BBW (5'6", 262lbs, no "rolls" really, just very thick, particularly in the rear and thighs;


LOVELY. IF YOU’RE ADMITTING TO 262, YOU’RE PROBABLY UP AROUND 300. AT YOUR HEIGHT, YOU SHOULD BE 130. THEREFORE, YOU HAVE 170 POUNDS OF BLUBBER IN YOUR ASS AND THIGHS.

WHAT A LOVELY PICTURE.


Age, race and bank account (provided you take care of your own business, so to speak) are not real issues for me.

IT’S WHAT’S IN THE FRIDGE THAT COUNTS!

(next)

Not a BBW...a CCBW...cute, curvy beautiful woman – 40

HERE’S A NEW ONE. NOW THEY’RE CALLING THEMSELVES CCBW. AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT STOOD FOR CORPULENT CHUBBY BLOB WHALE.

BY THE WAY, HOW CAN BLOBS POSSIBLY CALL THEMSELVES ‘CUTE’? A BLOB IS A BLOB IS A BLOB.

My name is Maura. I am 39 soon to be 40

TONS?

Fore you that means 12 more shopping days til the grand day!

YOU EXPECT MEN TO BUY YOU A PRESENT?

HOW ABOUT WE JUST BACK A DUMP TRUCK UP TO YOUR WINDOW AND UNLOAD A COUPLE HUNDRED GALLONS OF ICE CREAM?

. I do happy hour downtown with my sister on fridays once in awhile and love good people, good food, good fun and great belly aching laughter.

YOU MEAN ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE LAUGHING AT YOU WHEN YOU ATTACK THE BUFFET AT HAPPY HOUR? I’M SURE THEIR BELLY ACHES AFTER WATCHING YOU ROLL AROUND THE BUFFET TO DEVOUR A PIG, A COW, A COUPLE ACRES OF CROPS, AND THE DOG THAT WAS TIED TO THE POLE OUT FRONT.


. I am single primarily by choice and honestly havent found that reciprocal knock your panties off kind of attraction.

THANK GOD YOUR PANTIES DON’T GET KNOCKED OFF. THEY WOULD COVER AN ENTIRE CITY BLOCK. PEOPLE WOULD THINK A BLIMP OR HOT AIR BALLOON DEFLATED AND CRASHED.

I guess it'd help to put yourself outthere though huh???

HONEY, YOU’VE ALREADY PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE BY ABOUT 40 EXTRA INCHES AND 200 POUNDS!

I am low maintenance

THREE LARGE PIZZAS AND A COUPLE GALLONS OF COKE WILL DO?

I mean if you take longer than I do to get ready and for me thats an hour

IT TAKES AN HOUR TO START UP AND POSITION THE CRANE TO LIFT YOUR LARD ASS OFF THE BED? WHY DON’T YOU JUST HOOK UP A PERMANENT WINCH TO THE CEILING JOISTS TO SAVE TIME?

I got a pretty soft ass

OF COURSE YOUR ASS IS SOFT. IT’S FULL OF 300 POUNDS OF BLUBBER AND IT’S BEEN SITTING AROUND FOR YEARS.

I am a very easygoing, no nonsense individual that is rooted in the belief that the greatest priveledge in life is being who you are and being accepted as such.

IN OTHER WORDS, YOU’RE A FAT BLOB AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS WRONG TO THINK IT’S GROSS.

Did I mention 420 friendly or did the previous ramblings exude that for you??????

A DRUG ADDICT TOO. LOVELY. WHAT A CATCH YOU ARE…

I have included a picture of myself. Be nice-- the one in the hat was taken after happy hour.

IS THAT WHY THERE’S A PILE OF BONES ON THE FLOOR?

The other was on fathers day with my sons...DO NOT BE ALARMED...I am in no way looking for a daddy for them.

DID YOU EAT THEM ALREADY?


If you would be so kind in your response to send a recent photo that would be grand. After all you have seen me and one thing I am not big on is one upness... ;).

BUT YOU'RE ‘BIG’ ON EVERYTHING ELSE, THAT’S FOR SURE!


(next)

I need a milking partner for several months! – 38

THIS IS A REAL AD, I’M NOT KIDDING.

I need a man who would be willing & enjoy suckling my large breasts daily so I can produce milk and become a new milkmaid.

I GUESS WE ALL HAVE CAREER GOALS, EVEN BIG BLOB WHALES. MIGHT AS WELL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THOSE 100 POUNDS UDDERS ON YOUR CHEST YOU CALL BREASTS.

This induced lactation is possable for women who have never had children if it is done faithfully several times daily each day until milk appears. It is easier & much more enjoyable if a man assists by doing the suckling instad of me handmilking or using a breast pump.

WHY DON’T YOU JUST LINE UP IN THE STALLS WITH THE REST OF THE FAT COWS AND HOOK UP YOUR UDDERS TO A MILKING MACHINE?

I'm 38 yrs, 5ft 7in BBW, SWF. I have dark hair & dark eyes, full, pouty lips

YOU MEAN BIG BLOB WHALE LIPS. ALL BBW LIPS ‘POUT’. ALL THE WEIGHT OF YOUR FACE DOES THAT.

& large, heavy, full 40 DD breasts.

UDDERS.

I'll need you to meet me somewhere private to suckle from my large breasts several times daily until I can produce milk.

THE BARN?

This might take a few months or longer because I've never given birth & am not pregnant. If you are still interested, you can continue to milk me deeply several times daily after that. You'll need to be dedicated to this & each day be eager to perform my needed milkings.

THIS IS ABOUT THE MOST DESPERATE, STRANGEST WAY I’VE EVER HEARD OF FOR A BIG BLOB WHALE TO GET A BOYFRIEND.

My huge, heavy, full 40 DD breasts have large, sensitive nipples so eager to nurse & suckle you. You will have to be prepared for me to squirm, wriggle & moan with repeated orgasms as you suckle & milk me until I become accustomed to the daily milkings & learn to behave properly or -- maybe not ; )

IN OTHER WORDS, EVENTUALLY YOU WANT HIM TO ROLL YOU IN FLOUR AND STICK IT IN THE WET SPOT.

If you are interested in this please reply. No other sex is involved, just you daily suckling or hand milking me if you are experinced with that. Your only reward is the fun & enjoyment men get when they suckle on a woman's large titties & all the free milk you can consume when I begin to produce the sweet nectar.

IF A MAN IS INTO THIS, ALL HE HAS TO DO IS BUY A COW AND SUCK ON HER UDDER. IT’LL PROBABLY BE CHEAPER TO FEED AND CLEAN UP AFTER.

Also maybe an interesting friendship too. Only serious men who have the extre time need apply, this is not a joke!
Thanks!
Rina

OH NO, IT’S NOT A JOKE. JUST A NORMAL DAY IN THE LIFE OF A BIG BLOB WHALE.

(next)

Let's go to Luckenbach Texas - 29

If you know what my title refers to, and if you agree, then I'd probably like you, and that's a good start!

SURE, IT’S A DUMBASS COUNTRY SONG.

I'm a 29 year old adventurous, funny, smart, adorable, geeky, sexy, cat-owning

NO ONE CARES, JUST TELL US WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE….

(more of a dog person, but she was abandoned and I melted),

THE PIZZA SHOP WAS CLOSED, YOU WERE DESPERATE, SO YOU ATE HER.

DON’T FEEL SO BAD, BIG BLOB WHALES DO IT ALL THE TIME.

“””””” BBW (size 18)””””””

OH! THERE IT IS! A HEIFER! WOOOOO-EEEEEE! A COUNTRY HEIFER!

Cowboys preferred.

OF COURSE, WHO BETTER TO HANDLE A COW?

I'm not down with all this metrosexual stuff that men get all worked up about - I can't understand men who have more "product" than I do. Hell, I've lived in the South, where if you have all your teeth you're one step ahead...

BIG BLOB WHALES USUALLY HAVE LOW STANDARDS.

I have a hard time fitting myself into one category –

HOW SO? YOU’RE A FAT COW, BIG BLOB WHALE.

AND HONEY, YOU HAVE A HARD TIME FITTING YOURSELF INTO ANYTHING!

I'm a Democrat, but I'm also pretty conservative in a lot of ways. I'm a classically trained (amateur) musician who plays the violin, the piano, and sings, yet has her radio tuned to NPR and KZLA.

OH GOD! COULD YOU IMAGINE THIS FAT COW PLAYING THE PIANO AND SINGING HER DAMN COUNTRY SONGS ALL NIGHT?

WHAT A NIGHTMARE !

I can hold my own at a swanky dinner,

YOU CAN HOLD YOUR OWN DEAD PIG WHILE YOU CHEW ON IT? WE ALREADY KNOW THAT.

AND ‘SWANKY’ TO YOU MEANS A BUCKET OF CHEESE WHIZ SET OUT WITH THE POTATO CHIPS.

and I know how to walk in heels (even indulge a girly shoe fetish)

A HIPPO IN HEELS? PLEASE, DON’T KID YOURSELF.

YOU’D BE LUCKY TO FIT YOUR HOOVES INTO SIZE 16 MEN’S CONSTRUCTION BOOTS.

but I prefer to wear flip flops whenever possible,

WHAT A LOVELY SITE. A BIG BLOB WHALE IN A MOO-MOO AND FLIP FLOPS SINGING COUNTRY SONGS IN HER MOBILE HOME IN TEXAS.

ARE THE L.A. MEN LINING UP TO MEET YOU?

and hang out in divey honky tonks and eat in greasy diners.

YOU HANG OUT EVERY WHERE YOU GO, HONEY.

AND I’M SURE THE COOK AT THE DINER BARRACADES THE DOOR AND RUNS OUT THE BACK WHEN HE SEES YOU STAMPEDING ACROSS THE PARKING LOT.

I live near the beach

WHERE YOU BEACHED YOURSELF?

work from home,

WATCHING OPRAH AND SPRINGER?

ride my bike,

OH PLEASE!

and take a fair amount of naps.

YOU PASS OUT AFTER EATING A COUPLE LARGE PIZZAS AND A GALLON OF MOUNTAIN DEW?

nothing beats spending a day on a lake,

CAN PEOPLE JUST FLOAT YOU OUT TO THE MIDDLE AND USE YOU AS A PONTOON?

or on a spontaneous road trip

THERE’S NOTHING SPONTANEOUS ABOUT YOUR ROAD TRIPS. IT REQUIRES A CRANE AND HEAVY DUTY TRACTOR TRAILER TO GET YOU MOVING.

or just sitting around

THE TRUTH FINALLY!

I've lived in four states, two countries, and seven cities.

AT THE SAME TIME!

I've driven across the country BY MYSELF five times

THAT’S BECAUSE YOU TOOK UP ALL THE STALLS IN THE CATTLE CAR.

I do pass out every night to David Letterman.

AND A COUPLE DOZEN DONUTS.

have a crush on Ira Glass on "This American Life

YOU CAN CRUSH ANYONE HONEY.

I have a massive sex drive.

OH GEE, WHAT A CATCH. A BIG BLOB WHALE SLUT.

and I recycle.

48 ALUMINUM CANS OF PEPSI AND 5 PIZZA BOXES A DAY.

really want to buy a house in the South where the $300,000 that'll get you a condo here will get you a massive mansion with pool and three acres of forest on a lake.

SHOULDN’T YOU BE LOOKING FOR A LARGE BARN WITH A HOIST?

So I'm still trying to figure out where I want to "settle down"

GIVE US A WARNING FIRST SO WE CAN PREPARE FOR THE EARTHQUAKE.

I guess I'm just a pretty normal person, which seems to be special in and of itself in this town..

350 POUNDS OF BLUBBER IS NOT NORMAL, HONEY.

I'm not writing much about what I'm looking for because if any of this resonated with you, then that's enough to start a conversation - the rest will just have to be left up to chemistry...

IF HE SHOWS UP WITH A COUPLE LARGE PIZZAS AND 4 LITERS OF PEPSI, THERE’S CHEMISTRY!

(next)

Stir My Soul - 43

BBW looking for romance. I'm down to earth,

BECAUSE YOU COVER SO MUCH OF IT

Simple


A BUCKET OF KFC AND CASE OF LEMONADE WILL DO?

& full of passion

FOR CHOCOLATE

. I love animals,

EATING THEM.

long walks

OH I LOVE THIS ONE! 'LONG WALKS"? PLEASE! YOU'RE LUCKY IF YOU CAN WADDLE FROM THE COUCH TO THE FRIDGE TO GET ANOTHER HALF GALLON OF ICE CREAM.

and the simple pleasure that life has to offer.

MACARONI AND CHEESE TOPPED WITH WHIPPED CREAM?

You have a big heart and you are able to let me in to touch your soul.

JUST ROLL ON TOP OF HIM......YOU'LL 'TOUCH' EVERYTHING!

If you think you can satisfy my physically, mentally and spiritually please contact me.

ALL A GUY HAS TO DO IS SHOW UP WITH THREE LARGE PIZZAS, FOUR GALLONS OF PEPSI, AND THE ENTIRE MENU OF MCDONALDS AND YOU'RE 'SATISFIED'..

(next)

VERY BEAUTIFUL AND SWEET BBW SEEKING A CREATIVE SWM 21-29 - 20

Hey whats up guys? Ok well I'm a sweet, sexy,

NOTICE HOW BBW'S (BIG BLOB WHALES) HAVE THE NERVE TO CALL THEMSELVES VERY BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, SWEET AND ALL THAT?

HAVE THEY LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY?

, very down to earth,

DOWN TO EARTH TO BIG BLOB WHALES MEANS THAT THEY DON'T MIND IF YOU SEE THEM IN THEIR FLIP FLOPS, SHORTS, AND T SHIRT EATING CHEEZE ITS AND SUCKING DOWN A SLURPEE WATCHING JERRY SPRINGER.

. I'm in Beauty school,

YOU MUST HAVE MISSED THE LESSON ABOUT NOT BEING 200 POUNDS

OVERWEIGHT.

I'm working on a clothing line,

FOR BBW'S? JUST BUY DRAPES AT HOME DEPOT.

I'm a curvy bbw, very cute

YOU HAVE TWO CURVES, ONE ON EACH SIDE. TOGETHER THEY MAKE A GIANT CIRCLE OF BLOB.


I'm a super affectionate girl...I love the whole concept of skin on skin.

YOU MEAN BLUBBER ON BLUBBER.

..I look like a good girl with a few surprises.

THE HIDDEN CANDY BARS AND SANDWICHES IN THE ROLLS OF YOUR FAT?

I love to have fun and party

AT MCDONALDS

I'm looking for a mellow, relaxed, drama free type of relationship.

JUST A GUY TO SHOW UP WITH A FEW POUNDS OF FEED AND SNACKS EVERY NIGHT.

I love to laugh and just be silly and playful

LIKE THE CALIFORNIA HAPPY COWS?

.I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR NAKED WHILE READING YOUR OWN AD.

I'm looking for that 1 person who I can't get enough of when we're together and when we're not together we can't wait to be together.

BECAUSE HE BRINGS THE FOOD.

I want to be with someone who understands my silly, quirky side.

YOU MIX PEANUT BUTTER WITH YOUR MACARONI AND CHEESE SOMETIMES.

*****NO LIARS!!! NO BULLSHITERS!!! NO GAMES!!! NO SUPERFICIAL MEN!!! NO CRAZY MEN!!! NO CONTROL FREAKS!!!*****


DON'T TEASE HER OR PLAY GAMES WITH HER GUYS. SHOW UP WITH THE WENDY'S TRIPLE CHEESEBURGER OR ELSE!

(next)

Funny comment from another guy when asked what the meaning of BBW is:

“”””””””””’’ BBW means "Big Beautiful Woman."

It's one of those field of dreams phrases: "if you build it they will come."”””””””’

(next)

A BBW IN NEED

Of a man of substance...Hey guys Im a sweet and sexy BBW in need of a man in her life. Im tired of the bar scene

YOU’VE ALREADY FUCKED AND SUCKED ALL THE CHUBBY CHASERS THERE DRY. NOW YOU’RE READY TO HIT NEW PASTURES.


ME: I dont like to brag..ok I do..Im a BBW model.

YOU’RE BRAGGING THAT YOU’RE A BIG BLOB WHALE? MOST WOMEN WOULD BE ASHAMED OF IT.

WHAT DO YOU MODEL? TENTS?

.I m 5'4 with shoulder length reddish brown hair and enchanting green eyes..I have dangerous curves

THEY’RE DANGEROUS ALRIGHT. YOU MIGHT ROLL OVER AND CRUSH HIM.

and a killer smile..So boys beware...I love to laugh and have a good time..I am usually up for any adventure you can muster up


HOW ABOUT A TRIP TO THE NEAREST FAST FOOD SLOP HOUSE?

..I live in Bakersfield

WITH THE REST OF THE CATTLE.

YOU: A man who knows how to treat a lady right

JUST SHOW UP WITH A FEW WENDY’S TRIPLE CHEESEBURGERS.

..Must be between the ages of 23 and 35..Must be no shorter than 5'5, and in decent shape.

IT’S OK FOR YOU TO BE A FAT SLOB BUT YOU WANT HIM TO BE IN SHAPE.?

.No drama no extra baggage.

YOU HAVE 200 POUNDS OF EXTRA BLUBBER BUT HE CAN’T HAVE ANY EXTRA BAGGAGE.

..Must have his ducks in a row.

SO YOU CAN EAT THEM.

If you think you have what it takes to be with me then give me a jingle and say hello

A FEW DOZEN PIZZAS IS ALL IT TAKES FOR INSTANT LOVE WITH A BBW.

(next)

Smart, honest, voluptuous woman for wealthy, openminded gentleman - 34

IT’S ALWAYS FUNNY WHEN A BIG BLOB WHALE TRIES TO FIND A WEALTHY MAN.

Let me start by saying for all of you who think we chubby girls don't have a right to be picky about our men, please kiss my big ass.

BIG BLOB WHALES ARE LUCKY TO GET A DATE WITH CHARLES MANSON.

And I know my title says wealthy, but I am NOT looking for a sugar daddy or benafactor, I just can't date/don't want students, struggling actors, or starving artists anymore, sorry.

HONEY, ANY MAN AROUND YOU IS GOING TO END UP STARVING…..YOU’LL EAT ALL THE FOOD!

Secondly, if you hate long ads, are married, smoke, can't write in coherent sentences, live rich but are 20,000 in debt, PLEASE quit reading now. Same goes for those who are looking for a hookup, a whore, NSA, a casual fling/thing, or friends only. I am not looking for any of that.

NO, YOU’RE JUST LOOKING FOR ANY GUY WHO SHOWS UP WITH A COUPLE DOZEN HAPPY MEALS.

For the 2 or 3 of you left, hee, here's my story in all its honesty.

YOU WERE BORN, YOU GREW UP, YOU BECAME A BIG BLOB WHALE AND ARE NOW DESPERATE TO FIND A MAN.

THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO KNOW.

please save mine by not writing me just to flame me or fat chicks.

I’LL JUST MAKE A BIG BLOB WHALE PARODY OUT OF YOUR AD AND POST IT WHERE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WILL SEE IT.

I have heard EVERY flame possible. Clearly, none have stopped me, so yours won't either.

HONEY, NOTHING COULD STOP YOU FROM STAMPEDING TO THE FRIDGE DURING COMMERCIALS. I WOULDN’T EVEN TRY.

And honestly? If you've got the time and nothing better to do than read a chubby woman's ad and respond to it just because, that makes you look worse than fat.

SHE SURE IS SENSITIVE ABOUT GETTING FLAMED FOR BEING A BIG BLOB WHALE. TOO BAD SHE ENDED UP IN MY LITTLE COLUMN, HUH?

And yes, I do know voluptuous is just a fancy, "nicer" word for fat.

SO WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST BE HONEST IN THE SUBJECT LINE OF YOUR AD AND WRITE:

‘FAT BLOB SEEKS CHUBBY CHASER WITH ENOUGH INCOME SO I CAN SIT ON MY ASS ALL DAY”

That said, I'm not supersized or the mom from Gilbert Grape –

SUPERSIZED IN BBW LANGUAGE MEANS GARGANTUAN TO ANYONE ELSE. THEY ARE THE ONES THAT THE CARNIVAL RIDE OPERATORS TURN AWAY AND THE ONES WHO END UP GETTING LIFTED OUT OF THEIR BEDS BY A CRANE AFTER A CONSTRUCTION CREW HAS BASHED OUT A WALL TO HAUL THEM OUT.

but by LA standards I am chubby/full figured/BBW/whatever.

BY ANY STANDARD YOU ARE FAT. FAT IS FAT WHETHER YOU’RE ON HOLLYWOOD BLVD. OR ON TOP OF MT. RUSHMORE.

A BLOB IS A BLOB IS A BLOB.

-- I am 5'4 and I haven't been on a scale today,

WHY? IS THE TRUCK STOP IS CLOSED?

but I am around 150 pounds

IF YOU’RE ADMITTING TO 150, I’D PUT YOU AT AROUND 190. AT 5’4” AND 190, YOU’RE A BLOB.

That's right, and I love all of me, from my b-cup breasts, to my love handles to my perfect child bearing hips, lol.

YOUR UDDERS, ROLLS, AND FAT ASS.

I exercise and can bend over to tie shoes and do other things, trust me, hee.

YOU CAN ACTUALLY TIE YOUR SHOES? THAT’S AMAZING! MOST BBW’S JUST WEAR SLIPPERS SO THEY DON’T HAVE TO ANYMORE.

ENJOY IT NOW HONEY BECAUSE IN JUST ANOTHER 50 OR SO POUNDS EVEN THE SIGHT OF YOUR OWN SHOES WILL BE A THING OF THE PAST.

I know how to dress in style,

DO YOU WEAR A DRAPE OR A MOO-MOO?

I am extremely intelligent and witty, cultured, extroverted, classy, and funny

WE CAN TELL BY YOUR AD.

and will look damn good on your arm and make you look good to your friends and clients.

OH GOD, THIS ONE IS IN DREAM LAND. SINCE WHEN IS A SHORT, FAT BLOB LOOK GOOD ON MY ARM? AND IF YOU WERE ‘ON MY ARM’ IT WOULD BE CRUSHED AND HAVING GANGRENE BY NOW. I WOULD BE SCREAMING IN PAIN AS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT CRANE CAME TO LIFT YOUR FAT BLOB ASS OFF ME.

I will please you inside and outside the bedroom as long as you treat me right.

TRANSLATION: BRING HOME ENOUGH FOOD AND I’LL BE A GOOD WHALE.

I do have a career

A STEAM ROLLER FOR CALTRANS OR A CARNIVAL FREAK?

I am NOT looking for money or for someone to pay my rent or bills.

JUST YOUR GROCERY AND PIZZA BILL.

teach me the finer things in life.

HOW TO ACCESS THE LOST JERRY SPRINGER UNPLUGGED EPISODES?

Oh and I don't drive so he should also live IN Los Angeles near the west side. :)

DID THE CATTLE CAR GET TOO EXPENSIVE TO HAUL YOUR FAT ASS AROUND OR DID YOU JUST GET TOO FAT TO FIT THROUGH YOUR FRONT DOOR?

. I honestly don't care how tall you are, how much you weigh, how often you work out, how much you love the beach, or God forbid, how big your dick is.

JUST SHOW HER THE PIZZA AND CASE OF PEPSI AND YOU’RE IN!

NONE of that info, not even your picture alone is going to make me want to meet you, trust me. I am looking for MORE than that and therefore, I really need to get more than that from you, yes, even via e-mail.

SHE REALLY WANTS THAT PIZZA!

Yes, I am a "big girl" by LA standards,

SHE KEEPS SAYING ‘BY LA STANDARDS’. IS THIS SOME SORT OF NEW RATIONALE AMONG FAT CHICKS IN LA?

even I can be a shallow snob.

‘EVEN I’ MEANS THAT SHE KNOWS SHE’S A FAT SLOB LOSER WHO SHOULD PICK ANY MAN WHO HAPPENS TO WANDER THROUGH HER DOOR WITH A BAG OF FEED.

I prefer Caucasian men under the age of 48 but over 30. I DO want a classy old fashioned gentleman and those usually are older, and age IS just a number, but the fact is I also want the option of possibly having kids someday and find that option is better with guys closer to my age.

OH GOD. SHE WANTS A CLASSY OLDER GENTLEMAN WITH MONEY TO TAKE ON A BIG BLOB WHALE AND HAVE KIDS WITH HER?

DOES CRAIG’S LIST GET ANY MORE HYSTERICAL?

I am open to the exceptions, however, hee.

IF CHARLES MANSON SHOWED UP WITH A PIZZA…..HE’S IN!

. And I cannot stand poorly written or idiotic responses. I like coherent sentences and I do judge people by how and what they write to me. So fyi, I will not respond to short, stupid, pointless or form letter responses.

IN COMPARISON TO YOUR POST, ANYONE PAST THE THIRD GRADE WOULD IMPRESS YOU.

I AM looking for a long term monogamous relationship. I want romance, love, marriage, growing old together, and all that.

HOW ABOUT WE JUST PUT YOU IN THE BARN AND RAISE YOU WITH THE REST OF THE COWS?

I believe the ideal person for that for me is a guy who is more of a teddy bear than a gym god, more of a couch potato than an athlete, and loves pop culture as much as politics.

SO MUCH FOR HER EDUCATED, CLASSY, AND INTELLIGENT GENTLEMAN, HUH?

SOUNDS MORE LIKE SHE WANTS A CHUBBY CHASER TO WATCH MAURY WITH ALL DAY.

And if you are the kind of guy who would like to spend your money and time on making me less of a woman, in terms of my size, I am open to being your Eliza Doolittle too.

HUH? SHE WANTS SOMEONE ELSE TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TO LOSE WEIGHT FOR HER? DON’T EVER LET IT BE SAID THAT BIG BLOB WHALES AREN’T LAZY.

Simply put, I think religious/moral, old fashioned values and gentlemen are underrated if not being completely harmed by the insane political correctness of our society,

IF BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT IS SO EVIL, WHY CAN’T I CALL YOU A BIG BLOB WHALE AND WHY DO YOU CALL YOURSELF ‘VOLUPTUOUS’?

so I just want educated, kind, funny, "old fashioned gentleman" who can and knows how to spoil a real woman right

JUST OPEN YOUR STALL AND THROW IN A BAG OF FEED TWICE A DAY, YOU’RE HAPPY.

(AND NOTICE THE SLIP OF REFERRING TO HERSELF AS A ‘REAL WOMAN’. THIS IS COMMON AMONG BBWS)

Thanks for reading this novel and happy hunting to all.

WE’LL GET OUR WHALE HARPOON OUT TO CATCH YOU.

(next)

Looking for a sexy single black man - 32

Well i am a sexy latina bbw 44dd thick

YOU MEAN YOU’RE A FAT WETBACK WITH BIG UDDERS?

long curly hair and cute

HONEY, THERE’S NOT A HUMAN BEING ALIVE WEIGHING MORE THAN 300 POUNDS THAT COULD BE DESCRIBED AS ‘CUTE’.

if u dont know what bbw means then i am not for u ..

SURE WE DO. BIG BLOB WHALE

. I am just looking for a sexy blk man to get to kow maybe chat talk on the phone and meet and go out with movies dinner partys

YOU WANT HIM TO TAKE YOU TO THE FEEDING TROUGH AT THE DAIRY SO YOU CAN PARTY AND EAT WITH THE OTHER COWS.

oh yeah i am bi .. I am a 100% real and a freak with that right man

OH GREAT, YOU’RE A BI SLUT TOO. WHAT A CATCH.

so if u think this is u then get back with a pix and i will do the same if u dont send a pix then u wont get a email back so u be wasting your time.. so get back if u are real and like them thicky thick latina's

‘””THICKY THICK LATINA’S”””? YOU MEAN YOU’RE A REALLY REALLY FAT WETBACK!

THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’VE HEARD OF BIG BLOB WHALES CALLING THEMSELVES ‘THICKY THICK’. MUST BE A NEW TERM. THEY ARE GETTING SO FAT THAT ‘THICK’ JUST DOESN’T DESCRIBE THEM ANYMORE. MUST BE BECAUSE WENDY’S JUST INTRODUCED THE ‘SUPER BIGGIE’ SIZE FRENCH FRIES.

(next)

Ok so I am a BBW - 44

Dark haired with a Mona Lisa smile,

MONA LISA DIDN’T WEIGH 400 POUNDS.

I am interviewing for a new boyfriend. He is going to be a very lucky man.

WHAT’S LUCKY ABOUT ENDURING THE HORROR OF HAVING A BIG BLOB WHALE FOR A GIRLFRIEND?

I am good hearted, kind, loving, supportive and funny (fun to be with),

FAT PEOPLE ARE JOLLY AND FUN TO LAUGH AT.

have a great job

AS STEAM ROLLER FOR CALTRANS

and money of my own and not looking for a sugar daddy, or to take advantage of you. You will wonder what took you so long to find me :)

YOU WERE HIDING BEHIND THE BILLBOARD.

I want the following qualities:

Single, white, dark hair (longish preferred but not required), good smile, a gleam in his eye or at least the attitude, likes to do boyfriend stuff like put air in my tire, check out my computer when it fd up and bring me flowers, etc.

BRING YOU PIZZAS, PEPSI, PORK RINDS, ICE CREAM. ROLL YOU OFF THE BED AND RUB OINTMENT ON YOUR BED SORES. MASSAGE AND ELEVATE YOUR FEET SO THE BLOOD CAN OOZE BACK TOWARD YOUR HEART. GIVE YOU YOUR INSULIN SHOTS. SPONGE YOU OFF WHEN THE STINK GETS REALLY BAD. WIPE YOUR ASS AND CLEAN UP YOUR CRACK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T WIPE YOUR OWN ASS BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO FAT AND CLEAN THE URINE DRIBBLES ON YOUR LEGS BECAUSE YOUR BLUBBER GETS IN THE WAY OF EVEN THAT.

THOSE KIND OF ‘BOYFRIEND’ THINGS?

I am open to someone in his 30's since I act kind of young most of the time. Job, money, cars... all bullshit but you need to have two out of three if you want to date me. :)

DON’T FORGET THE CRANE TO LIFT YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF BED EVERY DAY.

Good Luck and keep an open mind. Big girls deserve love

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU DESERVE ANYTHING AFTER SITTING ON YOUR ASS AND GORGING YOURSELF WITH PIZZAS FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS?

and we appreciate a good man who can see past all that superficial bullshit and date someone based on their personality not their body weight.

YES, IT’S SO SUPERFICIAL OF US TO LOOK AT A 400 POUND BLOB AND NOT THINK OF HER AS A 400 POUND BLOB. PEOPLE CAN BE SO SHORT SIGHTED AND HEARTLESS, HUH?

WE SHOULD SEE YOU FOR YOUR WONDERFUL ‘PERSONALITY’ OF STUFFING YOURSELF WITH SO MUCH FOOD AND SITTING ON YOUR ASS SO MUCH THAT YOU’VE DOUBLED AND EVEN TRIPLED YOUR NORMAL BODY WEIGHT.

(next)

HERE’S A BBW COMPLAINING TO A MAN WHO RANTED ABOUT HOW ‘FAT CHICKS WANT GUYS THAT ARE IN SHAPE’

Evolution engineered guys to make muscle, it engineered women to make fat, to support babies in the event of pregnancy, you fucktard!!

OH HERE’S A BBW BIOLOGIST AND DOCTOR AND ANTHROPOLOGIST ALL ROLLED UP INTO ONE.

SORRY HONEY, EVOLUTION DIDN’T ENGINEER YOU TO WEIGH A QUARTER TON AND HAVE MORE CHINS THAN A CHINESE PHONE BOOK.

I JUST LOVE ALL THE EXCUSES FAT CHICKS MAKE UP TO JUSTIFY THEIR SLOVENLY AND LAZY BEHAVIOR. NOW, IT’S EVOLUTION’S FAULT.

It has been only recently, this past decade to be precise, that the improved technology in the production of food has created an over abundance; prior to this food was rather hard to obtain,

DID I MISS SOMETHING? WHAT HAPPENED AROUND 1995 THAT MADE FOOD SUDDENLY SO PLENTIFUL? HOME DELIVERY OF GROCERIES? MCDONALD’S 99 CENT VALUE MENUS? OH WAIT, I KNOW……THE INVENTION OF MCGRIDDLES AT MCDONALD’S!

THE ‘IMPROVED TECHNOLOGY OF MCGRIDDLES IN 1995 IS THE REASON THERE ARE SO MANY FAT CHICKS WADDLING AROUND.

thus to prevent periods of starvation our bodies were made to easily convert food into fat, for storage used during pregnancy or periods of starvation...

YOU HAVE ENOUGH FAT STORED UP TO FEED A LITTER OF 12 YOU FAT BLOB. WHAT IS YOUR BODY ‘STORING’ IT UP FOR? YOU PLANNING ON HIBERNATING FOR THE NEXT 1000 YEARS?

.women's biological makeup hasn't caught up with modern technology you ignorant piece of shit!

HEY COME ON, IT’S BEEN 10 YEARS. WHAT IS WOMAN’S EVOLUTION WAITING FOR? HA HA! HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR YOUR BODY TO ADJUST TO MCGRIDDLES?

So, where you might enjoy a delicious hamburger without gaining an ounce, or can exercise it off by running around the block, our bodies haven’t adapted yet you IDIOT!!!

OF COURSE NOT, YOU’RE A BIG BLOB WHALE. INSTEAD OF EATING THAT DELICIOUS HAMBURER AND RUNNING AROUND THE BLOCK, YOU’LL DOWN 10 OF THEM AND WADDLE TO THE KITCHEN FOR A GALLON OF PEPSI TO WASH IT DOWN.

NOT TO GO OUT ON A LIMB HERE BUT DO YOU THINK THAT COULD BE THE REASON WHY YOU ARE 300 POUNDS AND HE’S NOT?

Many of us do hit the gym,

THE ONLY TIME YOU ‘HIT THE GYM’ IS WHEN YOU CRASH INTO THE BUILDING WHEN YOU ROLL DOWNHILL.

but realistically, most girls aren’t fat just because of their diets or lack of exercise, Biology has something to do with it too, so do us a favor and hate on yourself a bit;

IT’S THE FAULT OF BIOLOGY! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!

NOW GO REWARD YOURSELF WITH ANOTHER GALLON OF ICE CREAM.

need help?? I can point out a few flaws. Ladies?? Care to jump in??

THAT’S ALL WE NEED IS BBW’S JUMPING! WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE IN L.A.!

(next)

 

Return to Home Page